Claire's Nail Varnish

I've recently tired Claire's 'burgundy' colour nail polish which someone brought for me to try. I really don't go for a reddy type of nail polish but when I painted my nails with the polish it was like love at first sight and since that day I haven't taken it off. It's a 10ml bottle and it cost £2.50. I was given another two different colour's to try but still hadn't had a chance to try them. The two different colours are 'Love me not' and 'Acid' and also they are both in the red family. They also look both really good and they where also £2.50. The 'Acid' colour polish is light then the 'Burgundy' colour and looks a bit like a reddy pinky colour.

All three colours

Burgundy

Love Me Not

             

Acid

   

My mother death and how it effected me

From when my mum got sick and after her death no one ever asked me how I felt or how I was coping. I was always scared when she was alive to be left alone with her for a couple of minutes or hours. I was scared that something bad would happen and I wouldn't know what to do. I was scared that if she would die on me or when I was with her. If she was to die on me and I was alone I would always think that I would walk away from her and leaver her their. If I was to say this to anyone no one would ever understand me. 

This feeling stated a year before my mum died. One day my mum was not feeling well and she decided to stay at home. My dad went to work and then he went to pick me up at school. When we arrived at home, I was the first one to walking in and I call her name. Their was no respond. I walk in a bit more and I notice cloths on the floor. She comes out of her room naked with no cloths on. I ask her why she got no cloths. She tired to speak but the words that came out of her mouth made no sense. My dad starts to speak to her but still she was not speaking write. I start to feel sick and scared. I started to cry my dad to. My mum looked like a little child, they way she spoke and acted. We walk into her room to put some cloths on her and as we walk into the room the room was in a mess. Cloths on the floor,table lamps smashed. I then call my sister to tell what was happening all nervous and she said she was going to call an ambulance and she was on her way. I went into the back room which was being used as a storage room and stayed in their until my sister arrived. As my sister was arriving the ambulance was arriving as well. When my mum arrived at the hospital the doctors gave her a sedative to calm her down. We asked them what had happen but they had no explanation for what had happen. They didn't know if it was caused by the Cancer. I asked them if it would happen again and they said no. The next day when we went to visit her she was herself again. We asked her if she remember what had happen. She said she had no memory of yesterday. She was in hospital for a couple of days. They prescribed her some new medications. When she went back home I decided that I would look after her. Every day after school I would come home and stay with her instead of going to help my dad at the restaurant and stay with her all day when I didn't have to go to school.

Five months after this happening to my mum it happened again after the doctors told me it would never happened again. I woke up one morning not feeling to great. It was a Monday I remember getting ready to get to school and I suddenly feel a bit dizzy like I'm about to faint but it goes away. Every morning It was normal for me to give my mum her medication. I handed her a glass of water but when she grabbed the glass it dropped. I told her I would clean it up but when she spoke it sounded the same as last time. I started to feel scared of what was happening. I go to my dad and tell what has happen. He said their nothing to worry about. He took me to school as nothing had not happened. After school I receive a text message from my sister that my mum had gone to hospital for the same thing that happen last time. I arrive at the hospital my sister told me that mum was worse then last time. It look 2 days for her to get back to her own self. The doctors came to me, my sister, my dad and my niece to talk about my mum situation. The doctor told us that what my mum was going through was the aggressive part of the Cancer and that through time it was going to get worse. He told us that their where people to help us get through this and people to help look after her. The doctors suggested that we placed her in a hospice until she got better. We agreed with them. We knew that at the hospice she would be looked after well and they said we could visit at any time of the day. She was at the hospice for a couple weeks. When she came home we had nurses come and look after her, give her, her medication, showed her and feed her. 

As week went by she become more and more sick. She got so sick that we had to place her back at the hospice. She was in and out of the hospice many times in two months. As they days went she was getting more aggressive. Their was one day that she started shouting at me for no reason. By this time she was back at the hospice and I was alone with her. Even thought their where nurse outside I was still scared of what was happening.  She started shouting saying I was hurting her and that she was going to call the police to take me away. My told me to take no notice but he didn't know that I felt hurt listening to her speak like that after all I had done for her. I wanted someone to ask me how I was feeling but no one did. I some time thought about running away and never coming back. It was to much for a 13/14 year girl to handle but no one understood. On October 12th 2012 my mum passed away. She was a the hospice. On the night she died me and my dad had finished at the restaurant and we decided to go and visit her. Even though it was 11 at night they still allowed us to visit her. By this stage of her cancer she was no longer concise. She hadn't ate or drank anything in weeks. Everything was done at her bed. When we arrived at her room their was something about her breathing that was different and I knew that she was dying.  

Her death had a big effect on me. Since her death I've never been the same person. In my mind I know I need help. I know from her death I caught some kind of depression but I'm scared of what they might say. One day I will gain the courage to speak to some about my problems.     

I would like to thank the staff at Marie Curie Hospice for everything they did for my mum.